I wonder if I have already erased myself or have I been erased by another? Maybe a combination? As you wrote it takes two to tango. None the less this article illuminated many things for me. Thankyou for sharing your life with us. 🙏
Easy to read, a little hard to fully understand. I get it though. I recently entered the dating world again. And finding someone my age that is willing to accept a husband seems to be one of the largest obstacles. Most are looking for a “long term relationship” and express the idea that they are strong independent women, and then set out to demonstrate that right after saying that they have a laid back style. lol
I used to think my wife just wasn’t a very good follower.
We took waltz lessons for a while. Swing too. It was a ton of fun. I’ve got decent rhythm. On the dance floor she will tell you grace and poise aren’t her native language. Off the floor, she is the epitome of both. It’s what drew me to her in the first place.
Somewhere along the way, though, I started quietly grading her….she would anticipate….Try to help….Step early….Correct mid-move.
What I didn’t see was that she was compensating for me!!
I wasn’t leading clearly, I’d hesitate and signal late or change my mind halfway through a turn. So she filled the gap. Kind gesture. It didn’t make us better.
The more she helped, the less I led.
The less I led, the more she helped.
And we both thought the other was the problem.
Turns out neither of us was wrong….but also not right! We were stuck.
In dance, you have to know your own limits and your partner’s. Not to make up for each other, but to work through it together. Growth doesn’t happen when you diagnose your partner’s weaknesses. It happens when you clean up your own signals.
You can’t waltz alone.
Lately I’ve been noticing how patterns work like that in other places too. Small rhythms. Music in the house. The way you carry yourself. They echo. Sometimes loudly, especially in your kids.
Which makes me think we should probably teach more children to dance. Not because ballroom is magical, but because it’s deeply relational. You practice tension without panic. Correction without humiliation. Leadership without domination. Following without erasure.
And if you get it wrong, the floor tells you immediately.
Your piece made something click for me….beyond my heels wanting to get on the dance floor. I appreciate that.
How do I contribute to others feeling as if they have to self erase?
You have provided a strong reminder to consider with great care each person God has placed in my life and to do all that is in my power encourage that which God has called them to do and to be.
Lord Jesus, please open my eyes ways that I fail, and help me an instrument of your grace to everyone in my life.
I wonder if I have already erased myself or have I been erased by another? Maybe a combination? As you wrote it takes two to tango. None the less this article illuminated many things for me. Thankyou for sharing your life with us. 🙏
Extensive reflection provides such clarity-----well done and Thanks!
Easy to read, a little hard to fully understand. I get it though. I recently entered the dating world again. And finding someone my age that is willing to accept a husband seems to be one of the largest obstacles. Most are looking for a “long term relationship” and express the idea that they are strong independent women, and then set out to demonstrate that right after saying that they have a laid back style. lol
I used to think my wife just wasn’t a very good follower.
We took waltz lessons for a while. Swing too. It was a ton of fun. I’ve got decent rhythm. On the dance floor she will tell you grace and poise aren’t her native language. Off the floor, she is the epitome of both. It’s what drew me to her in the first place.
Somewhere along the way, though, I started quietly grading her….she would anticipate….Try to help….Step early….Correct mid-move.
What I didn’t see was that she was compensating for me!!
I wasn’t leading clearly, I’d hesitate and signal late or change my mind halfway through a turn. So she filled the gap. Kind gesture. It didn’t make us better.
The more she helped, the less I led.
The less I led, the more she helped.
And we both thought the other was the problem.
Turns out neither of us was wrong….but also not right! We were stuck.
In dance, you have to know your own limits and your partner’s. Not to make up for each other, but to work through it together. Growth doesn’t happen when you diagnose your partner’s weaknesses. It happens when you clean up your own signals.
You can’t waltz alone.
Lately I’ve been noticing how patterns work like that in other places too. Small rhythms. Music in the house. The way you carry yourself. They echo. Sometimes loudly, especially in your kids.
Which makes me think we should probably teach more children to dance. Not because ballroom is magical, but because it’s deeply relational. You practice tension without panic. Correction without humiliation. Leadership without domination. Following without erasure.
And if you get it wrong, the floor tells you immediately.
Your piece made something click for me….beyond my heels wanting to get on the dance floor. I appreciate that.
So powerful and convicting. Thank you!
How do I contribute to others feeling as if they have to self erase?
You have provided a strong reminder to consider with great care each person God has placed in my life and to do all that is in my power encourage that which God has called them to do and to be.
Lord Jesus, please open my eyes ways that I fail, and help me an instrument of your grace to everyone in my life.