I used to think my wife just wasn’t a very good follower.
We took waltz lessons for a while. Swing too. It was a ton of fun. I’ve got decent rhythm. On the dance floor she will tell you grace and poise aren’t her native language. Off the floor, she is the epitome of both. It’s what drew me to her in the first place.
Somewhere along the way, though, I started quietly grading her….she would anticipate….Try to help….Step early….Correct mid-move.
What I didn’t see was that she was compensating for me!!
I wasn’t leading clearly, I’d hesitate and signal late or change my mind halfway through a turn. So she filled the gap. Kind gesture. It didn’t make us better.
The more she helped, the less I led.
The less I led, the more she helped.
And we both thought the other was the problem.
Turns out neither of us was wrong….but also not right! We were stuck.
In dance, you have to know your own limits and your partner’s. Not to make up for each other, but to work through it together. Growth doesn’t happen when you diagnose your partner’s weaknesses. It happens when you clean up your own signals.
You can’t waltz alone.
Lately I’ve been noticing how patterns work like that in other places too. Small rhythms. Music in the house. The way you carry yourself. They echo. Sometimes loudly, especially in your kids.
Which makes me think we should probably teach more children to dance. Not because ballroom is magical, but because it’s deeply relational. You practice tension without panic. Correction without humiliation. Leadership without domination. Following without erasure.
And if you get it wrong, the floor tells you immediately.
Your piece made something click for me….beyond my heels wanting to get on the dance floor. I appreciate that.
How do I contribute to others feeling as if they have to self erase?
You have provided a strong reminder to consider with great care each person God has placed in my life and to do all that is in my power encourage that which God has called them to do and to be.
Lord Jesus, please open my eyes ways that I fail, and help me an instrument of your grace to everyone in my life.
I wonder if I have already erased myself or have I been erased by another? Maybe a combination? As you wrote it takes two to tango. None the less this article illuminated many things for me. Thankyou for sharing your life with us. 🙏
In my experience and observation, those who refuse to follow good (Godly) leadership, eventually self implodes and paradoxically loses a sense of their own identity. If rebellion against Divine authority becomes someone’s MO, then they end up losing actual autonomy. They are a parasite. The purpose of life degrades into simply playing (or being played) the role of rebel. Rebels have no Divine peace, joy or love for others in their souls. They are sadly, simply antagonists, lacking faith in Divine order and purpose. In the end, the rebel disappears into the abyss. Dathan had no other identity but to rebel against Moses. True, he may have been the loudest and seemingly most “controlling” voice in the room. But the ground eventually swallowed him (and those who listened to him) down to the pit. May Jesus grant repentance to the rebel……their course is scary unless turned around by The Holy Spirit…..
Easy to read, a little hard to fully understand. I get it though. I recently entered the dating world again. And finding someone my age that is willing to accept a husband seems to be one of the largest obstacles. Most are looking for a “long term relationship” and express the idea that they are strong independent women, and then set out to demonstrate that right after saying that they have a laid back style. lol
I used to think my wife just wasn’t a very good follower.
We took waltz lessons for a while. Swing too. It was a ton of fun. I’ve got decent rhythm. On the dance floor she will tell you grace and poise aren’t her native language. Off the floor, she is the epitome of both. It’s what drew me to her in the first place.
Somewhere along the way, though, I started quietly grading her….she would anticipate….Try to help….Step early….Correct mid-move.
What I didn’t see was that she was compensating for me!!
I wasn’t leading clearly, I’d hesitate and signal late or change my mind halfway through a turn. So she filled the gap. Kind gesture. It didn’t make us better.
The more she helped, the less I led.
The less I led, the more she helped.
And we both thought the other was the problem.
Turns out neither of us was wrong….but also not right! We were stuck.
In dance, you have to know your own limits and your partner’s. Not to make up for each other, but to work through it together. Growth doesn’t happen when you diagnose your partner’s weaknesses. It happens when you clean up your own signals.
You can’t waltz alone.
Lately I’ve been noticing how patterns work like that in other places too. Small rhythms. Music in the house. The way you carry yourself. They echo. Sometimes loudly, especially in your kids.
Which makes me think we should probably teach more children to dance. Not because ballroom is magical, but because it’s deeply relational. You practice tension without panic. Correction without humiliation. Leadership without domination. Following without erasure.
And if you get it wrong, the floor tells you immediately.
Your piece made something click for me….beyond my heels wanting to get on the dance floor. I appreciate that.
So powerful and convicting. Thank you!
How do I contribute to others feeling as if they have to self erase?
You have provided a strong reminder to consider with great care each person God has placed in my life and to do all that is in my power encourage that which God has called them to do and to be.
Lord Jesus, please open my eyes ways that I fail, and help me an instrument of your grace to everyone in my life.
I wonder if I have already erased myself or have I been erased by another? Maybe a combination? As you wrote it takes two to tango. None the less this article illuminated many things for me. Thankyou for sharing your life with us. 🙏
Extensive reflection provides such clarity-----well done and Thanks!
“Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.” - Proverbs 31:30
Every year that passes, I appreciate more and more my wife’s strength in following my lead. Her strength comes from Him. Thank you for this reminder.
In my experience and observation, those who refuse to follow good (Godly) leadership, eventually self implodes and paradoxically loses a sense of their own identity. If rebellion against Divine authority becomes someone’s MO, then they end up losing actual autonomy. They are a parasite. The purpose of life degrades into simply playing (or being played) the role of rebel. Rebels have no Divine peace, joy or love for others in their souls. They are sadly, simply antagonists, lacking faith in Divine order and purpose. In the end, the rebel disappears into the abyss. Dathan had no other identity but to rebel against Moses. True, he may have been the loudest and seemingly most “controlling” voice in the room. But the ground eventually swallowed him (and those who listened to him) down to the pit. May Jesus grant repentance to the rebel……their course is scary unless turned around by The Holy Spirit…..
Easy to read, a little hard to fully understand. I get it though. I recently entered the dating world again. And finding someone my age that is willing to accept a husband seems to be one of the largest obstacles. Most are looking for a “long term relationship” and express the idea that they are strong independent women, and then set out to demonstrate that right after saying that they have a laid back style. lol