The Battle Beneath the Smile
A Wake-Up Call for Men About Genesis 3:16 and the War on Covenant
“Your desire shall be for your husband, and he shall rule over you.”
(Genesis 3:16)
At first glance, this sounds like romance. But it’s not.
This verse is not about longing—it’s about conflict. It’s not a blessing—it’s a warning. What God is saying here is this:
She will want to rule him. But he will have to rule her.
This is the fracture line at the heart of so many marriages, homes, and churches. And most men don’t even see it.
1. The Real Meaning of Her “Desire”
The Hebrew word for “desire” here is teshuqah (תְּשׁוּקָה).
It’s rare. Only used three times in the whole Bible.
And in the very next chapter, God uses the exact same phrase to describe sin:
“Sin’s desire is for you, but you must rule over it.”
(Genesis 4:7)
That’s not a warm feeling. That’s an urge to dominate.
So when God says to Eve, “Your desire shall be for your husband,”
He’s saying:
You will crave his position. His voice. His authority.
2. This Is the Root of the Gender War
She doesn’t just want him.
She wants to move him.
She wants a strong man—but only if she can steer him.
She wants to feel safe—but only if she defines the rules.
She wants to say he’s the leader—but only if he follows her lead.
So she says things like:
“If you loved me, you’d listen to me.”
“You’re not being like Jesus.”
“God wouldn’t want you to lead like that.”
“You’re scaring me.”
“This doesn’t feel safe.”
These aren’t always cries for help.
Often, they’re subtle plays for control—dressed in emotional language.
3. The Dangerous Role of “Nice Christian Men”
Most men—especially in the church—have been taught that leading means making peace at all costs.
So when she pushes, they cave. When she weeps, they back down. When she questions, they doubt themselves.
They think: “Maybe I was too harsh.”
“Maybe I need to love her better.”
“Maybe I should just let this one go.”
But the truth is, most men were never taught how to rule well. And so when a woman fights the man’s authority, she mistakes it for emotional pain that she believes he can solve by softening, when, in fact that is her play to win the animal nature’s unavoidable power struggle.
4. God Gave Men the Role of Rule
Not dictatorship. Not cruelty.
Rule—governance, order, headship, Spirit.
“The husband is the head of the wife as Christ is head of the church.”
(Ephesians 5:23)
This is not optional. This is design.
When a woman bucks that design, the man is not supposed to become passive. He’s supposed to stand firm. But if he doesn’t know what’s happening—if he thinks this is just “how women talk”—he’ll get played, guilted, or gaslit into surrendering his post.
5. So What Does This Look Like Today?
You can:
Smile in church.
Quote Bible verses.
Lead worship.
Talk about grace.
Even say “my husband is the leader.”
But if behind the scenes you pressure, emote freely, talk like the women, but to the men, (mock, redirect, overrule, or shift terms as VIRTUE SIGNALING) especially her husband, she is acting the “old man,” fulfilling Genesis 3:16 without the need to think about it, plan it or even own it.
The carnal nature of woman says, “I will submit when you deserve it.”
This is rebellion, not love. Not service. Not beauty. And, not a quiet spirit.
The home where this uproar is allowed to foster will know it as rising discord. Rebellion in the language of love tears the house down while shouting, “Mercy!”
If the man does not know where to take his shame, if he relies on her as his moral compass, the end will be their undoing.
6. The Remedy: Men Who Won’t Be Moved
The answer?
Men must learn to stand and not care what their wives say about it.
Not anger. Not exerted control. Not withdrawal.
Leading.
Being worth following.
That means not following her.
This is holy conviction under the rule of God. A man who fears God knowns that the Words of the Lord matter more than his wife’s affections.
To speak clearly, to lead firmly, and love deeply those who scorn you for your honor is to be a Man. To follow Christ, to imitate God in His grace—without letting yourself be bent into something else that looks more of what the world wants to see.
Expect the carnal woman inside the Spiritual woman to test the Spiritual man until his resolve is proven as immovable. This is the path to her repentance. Without a Father or a Husband, she will not come here on her own outside of special grace—which does happen! (ie Some women will listen to their brother as a good head, but that “some” is not most!)
Repentance of the carnal nature, the tendencies of our flesh, the natural habits we don’t need to be taught, now lauded in the anti-father Communism of our times, is a daily battle men and women alike must fight on their knees.
We are fallen. We are redeemed.
It’s a new day.
7. A Rebuke
If she does not fear God, she cannot rightly fear you.
And if she cannot respect you, even when you are WRONG, then the house is built on sand.
This verse—Genesis 3:16—is not a curse to be ignored. It’s a warning to be understood. If you’re a man called by God, then rule well. Not with force. Not with pride. But with the immovable strength of Christ, who gave His life without ever yielding His crown.
Every good woman knows she needs a man whose soul is anchored—not a leaf in the wind, but a Crusader with his Cross, holding fast even though his loved ones nail him to it.
Thank you, Rev. Fisk. Some time ago, I stepped down from the presidency of Lutherans For Life because there seemed to be a void among Lutherans concerning biblical manhood and womanhood. After being encouraged by my "Helper" (John 15:26) and some 25 or more friends, relatives, and acquaintances who shared the sorrow of their abortions with me, I started Titus 2 for Life. During retreats across the country for women of all ages, both laity and pastors' wives, Genesis 2:18 and Genesis 3 were discussed. Body language revealed that some women were grateful and at peace in knowing the truth of Genesis 2:18 and 3:16. Others were agitated by the idea of being a "helper fit for him" and learning that "desire . . . your husband" doesn't mean what they thought it did. From where had they gotten the wrong understanding of "desire" in Genesis 3:16? One Sunday morning while away from our LCMS congregation, my husband and I gathered for Bible study in a sister congregation where the pastor (with his wife's support) informed a large group of mature Lutherans that Genesis 3:16 is about a wife's romantic desire. The "missionary position," was mentioned. There were some chuckles. Smiles. A giggle or two. Looks around the room. When we spoke up to say that "desire" in Genesis 3:16 is not romantic but, rather, a craving for authority and conflict between husband and wife, the room was silent for a few seconds before the pastor moved on. So... thank you, Jonathan Fisk, for not resisting the "Spirit of truth" when inspired to pen "The Battle Beneath the Smile." You are a great blessing to the Body of Christ in this present age, To God be the glory!
I'm a woman and I absolutely agree. I thank God for my husband's immovablility and steadfast nature. I can be a whirlwind. Much of what we have as a family would have never been, were it not for my husband being a man who can stand against his woman's emotions. Sometimes in my sin it drives me nuts. But I absolutely pray that my sons grow up to be like him and I pray for their future spouses.
Thank you for sharing and putting this into words.