Ziklag - Disappointment

the Call to Rise Above the Curse

Disappointment.

It’s as old as Eden. For women, Scripture describes it as part of their unique curse: pain in childbearing and frustration in their relational roles (Genesis 3:16). For men, the curse is different: toil, sweat, and the inevitability of death (Genesis 3:17-19). Together, these curses define man’s struggle. Understanding them properly, how they are shared, and how they are not shared, is necessary first step restoring biblical order to our relationships in Christ.

Discontent: The Woman’s Burden

Disappointment comes. Often its source is unmet expectations. This isn’t an exclusively feminine trait, but it is undeniably emphasized in the biblical text as Eve’s curse. Eve’s desire was re-directed in an unhealthy way toward her husband, who would rule over her no matter how much she… say….

That dynamic, left unchecked, is what Proverbs 9 is all about. So Solomon also, in his wisdom, lamented, “Among women? Not one” (Ecclesiastes 7:28).

That’s not personal. But, perhaps, among women, that’s the point.

The reality of human frailty compounded in the distinctive way men and women receive and dish out our curses is a world for discipline more than feelings. Upright feelings come on the other side of hard work. Arguing against the rod is… Dame Folly incarnate.

Watch Your Tongue

Does this mean women are destined to complain forever? Not in Christ!

All Christians are called to submit their disappointments to Jesus, to trusting him as King to order all things rightly. The secret of contentment is a life of peace and quietness in full conviction that not only is a better day coming, but on that day all losses of this time become rewards.

Disappointment need not you, whoever you are. But I suggest that, as 1 Peter teaches us, the “weaker vessel” is a matter of knowable specifications...and…we live in a time when such speech is forbidden.

Strange, I think.

Sweat and Death: The Man’s World

Men, meanwhile, are not hardly exempt. We will certainly complain. But such is not our first instinct.

Man’s first instinct is to kill.

To rage. To hate. To break through. To trespass.

Man is bound fruitless labor. The ground resists them. He tries to fix it. Success exhausts him. In the end, death is the payday.

Man’s disappointments come from avoiding this higher calling to suffer, walk, struggle and protect. The temptation to cling, to hide, to whine is quite built into a little boy.

But it is boyish, not manly. It is womanly, not masculine.

The full grown man has other problems.

The Sympathetic Divide: Why This Matters Biologically

The differences between men and women are more than skin deep. Science confirms what Scripture describes: male and female nervous systems respond differently to stress. Women tend to dwell on negative emotions longer due to differences in their limbic systems. Men, while not immune to emotional struggles, are biologically inclined to compartmentalize and move forward. These God-designed differences serve complementary purposes but also reveal why disappointment may linger more deeply for women. Any belief in a complementarian marriage must take these realities of natural law into account:

1. Women don’t talk like men.

2. Men don’t feel like women.

3. This is not personal. This is where relationship is born.

Acknowledging these differences isn’t misogynistic; it’s reality. It invites both sexes to embrace their strengths while humbly addressing their weaknesses in light of the gospel.

The Higher Call: Beyond Complaint

Finger-pointing gets us nowhere. Competition is no marriage. Superiority is relative to the task at hand.

Recognizing your fallen tendencies as a species of human and submitting them to Christ is wisdom.

Listening the world as it sings for you to boast? That’s stupidity born again.

Complaint is the language of defeat, the call of the victim. But we are redeemed. The Victim is risen as the Victor. Christianity is the promise that you are freed to speak with hope and resolve, with the mind of Christ, with words that build up rather than tear down.

But be you man? Or woman? It will be a different story. It will be a different trial.

It will be a different walk..

A Call to Spirit

1. Women: Trust your King. Bite your tongue when tempted to complain and let your heart rest in God’s promises. Seek the path of praise. Remember the little boy in the man, and sing the songs of his greatness. Watch as disappointment flees, and a better Master emerges out of your man than you ever imagined.

2. Men: Lead by example. Set a guard before your own lips. Do not be drawn into the cavalier and impious way we cast our words about as if they will never be judged. Speak with dignity, send respect, act with courage, inspire the boy to leave boyish things behind, but not so much that you fail to play with your sons, and son’s sons.

3. Misanthropists: Repent. Believe in the Word of God, for His every Word is true, and His judgments are just. Man is not your problem. Man is your Savior. Look to Him and be radiant.

4. Brothers and Sisters in Christ: We cannot be stopped because Christ is our King is THE MAN now. We are all members of his body, better than a tribe, wider than a net: a Temple! Living stones.

Whether in toil, disappointment, or death, we live not for ourselves but for Him. The barbarians are at the gates, but we are not afraid. We press on, knowing the battle is the Lord’s. For we are along for the heavenly ride, and nothing can derail what Christ has already secured. We rise, not driven by the curse, but freed under grace.